


Coal Essence

by acrimsondaisy



Category: The Blank Rune
Genre: Angst, Dream Sequence, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Character, Spoilers, sort of canon-compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acrimsondaisy/pseuds/acrimsondaisy
Summary: After the third day, Ash is struck by grief. They've never felt so utterly alone in their entire life.Now, there are strange dreams.Happy Birthday to Phi, who I wrote this little fic for!
Relationships: Coal Etherwood & Ash Etherwood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Coal Essence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Herania](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herania/gifts).



> happy birthday, phi! <3

After the third day, Ash dreamt.

There was a restlessness to their unconscious state, as if their nerves had been strung up one by one, suspended in the air, and weighed down by gravity itself – a force so far out of their control, it would be beyond laughable trying to resist it.

The air felt heavy around them, pressing down on their skin. Ash felt it on their throat, the very source of oxygen restricting their breathing. Yet, it wasn't a physical sensation – not quite. More an uncomfortable awareness of their physical constrictions than an actual force affecting their body.

It was pitch-black and yet they had no trouble navigating their environment, a long dark tunnel that appeared as an unholy matrimony of the mining shafts of District Twelve and the steel corridors of the arena, though it lacked all too much detail.

For a long while, it was just this endless darkness and unchanging walls. They kept walking forward, but it felt more like they were spinning in circles for all the good it did. They were on the verge of giving up when – finally – something changed.

A light. It was red like it had been in the cabin. The moment when...

Ash stepped forward, into the light. They blinked as it engulfed them and opened their eyes again.

There stood their mirror, their better counter-part, the source of all that light. It was Coal, their twin. As alive as they remembered them. Happy, healthy, alive. As Ash walked forward, their twin turned toward them. They wore a smile that welcomed Ash to join them, to forget their troubles and just smile back, not out of politeness or obligation or uncertainty, but just by the pure warmth of it.

It occurred to them that this was a dream. This wasn't real. Their twin was dead.

But at that moment, that didn't matter. In this precious moment, Coal was there, in front of them.

“Ash.”

“Coal.”

The two of them walked toward each other, closing the difference between them at the same time. For a moment, Ash hesitated, afraid that if they reached out, if they got close enough to touch, then Coal would evaporate between their hands, and disappear forever.

Another part of them, however, couldn't hold bad for another second. Before Ash even became conscious of their own actions they had already flung their arms around their sibling, clutching their arms, tightly as they buried their head in their shoulders to hide the tears that soon turned into choked sobs as their face tightened and their chest constricted.

Coal was warm and solid in their arms. Ash could feel their chest rising and falling. Their arms moved up to their own back to place them into a gentle embrace. Steady. Alive. Real.

It was so real, Ash wanted to start crying all over again, even though their own sobs hadn't yet stopped.

“I-I- I'm sorry.”

“It's okay.”

The reply was meant as a kindness, but it felt like an ax barreling down on them, delivering a fatal wound. There was no way they could let that stand. Ash lifted their head from the embrace to meet their twin's gaze.

Strange. They had to look up. They never had to look up at Coal before. But at the same time, it made sense. Of course, Coal would grow taller, be elevated, lifted to higher ground.

Still... there was a bitter aftertaste to it as well. It hurt, losing, of all things, the even ground they had shared with their twin in life.

“No, it's not,” Ash replied, “I failed... I fucked it all up, Coal!”

“You did well. You're doing good.”

“No. I tried... everything. I did everything I could. And it wasn't fucking good enough. I'm so sorry. I couldn't save you.”

There was a sound, then. At first, Ash couldn't quite place it – until they realized that Coal was laughing, a burst of bright, incredulous laughter, filled with fondness.

“You couldn't save me? Are you kidding me? You saved me every day of my life, Ash. I couldn't have asked for a better sibling.”

What were they talking about? Coal had been the one who had kept on saving them. Over and over and over again. And now, the one time that Ash had tried to pay them back, all their efforts had ended up for naught.

“You've always been better at actually making an impact,” Ash murmured.

Coal frowned for just a moment before their features smoothed over again. “Remember the time I was caught digging by the Peacekeepers?”

Ash grimaced. “Of course, I do,” they admitted. It was one of their most shameful memories, “You were just behind me. I ran away like a coward, and when I looked back, you were getting dragged off to be whipped.”

“That's not how I remember it.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was me who triggered the alarm, you know? You had told me to be careful, but I guess I got overeager...”

“That doesn't matter...” Ash frowned.

“I pushed you forward as we ran and when they grabbed me... God, I was so relieved they didn't see you! So happy that you were safe!”

“No! That's not fair! Don't spin it that way!” Ash could hear their own voice echo around the room, louder than expected. They bit their lip. They didn't mean to argue with their twin, not now of all times. But this... no! They just couldn't let it stand unchallenged. “You still got hurt! I saw you whipped! Wounded and humiliated in front of everyone! How do you think I felt watching that, knowing it should have been me the entire time, knowing I couldn't do anything to stop it?” they said, their words becoming more and more strained with every word, “I failed you, Coal, I failed you over and over and over again. And now look at us! It's all fucked!”

“But you're wrong,” Coal said, their voice level. How could they stay so calm through all this? “You never failed me, even once. And you did help. You did more than stop it – you gave me the chance to heal.” Ash opened their mouth to speak, but their twin only held up a hand, silencing their protest. “You're right about one thing, though. It did hurt. A lot. It hurt like hell. Afterward, I felt broken. Broken and... scared. I was questioning if what we were doing was worth it when it was only ever going to put the people I love in danger. I mean, you were almost caught...”

“Bullshit!” Ash clicked their tongue, “You're the one who taught me that hope is always worth it.”

Coal smiled down at them. “Even I waver from time to time,” they admitted, “The upside was: I wasn't alone. When it was all over, you put me back together. I still remember how careful and gentle you were. And when you were preparing the bandages, you looked me in the eye and told me it was going to be okay. I was going to be okay. And that's when I knew that you were right. The future is worth fighting for.”

Ash only nodded. Their breath seemed stuck in their throat.

“And you were there, steadying me, so we could keep fighting. You gave me the strength to hope.”

“But your drive was the whole reason why I could work to secure us at the moment. Without your hope, without something worth living for, there wouldn't have been a point to anything I did. I would've given up.”

“Yeah... you get it,” Coal smiled again, “There's always a point to it all. Never forget that. But now it's time for you to find your own hope.”

Ash closed their eyes and let their head down. There was a new wave of tears there, barely held at bay.

“Because you're dead,” they whispered.

“Yeah, I am,” Coal replied evenly, “And you're still alive.”

“It's not fair. We shouldn't be separated. I need you.”

“You're so much stronger than you think you are.”

“I did everything I could.”

“You did,” Ash felt Coal shift, felt a hand touch their cheek, brushing their hair behind their ear, “Ash, I'm so proud of you.”

They reached up to touch Coal's face in turn. For a moment, the warmth under her fingers was enough to reassure her, enough to soothe the tears.

They opened their eyes, and they were alone.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a fanfiction for The Blank Rune (https://www.fanfiktion.de/s/5aa6ab4500029f4925c9cfc3/1/The-Blank-Rune) which is a German story that takes inspiration from the Hunger Games. The author of the original work is Herania here on AO3 and I highly encourage you to look up their work here as well, if you're into obscure Russian video games. I plan to translate the original fic eventually, but if you speak German and this intrigued you... Please read it <3)


End file.
